Why do elephants…

In Uncategorized on August 29, 2011 at 15:46

Have big ears?  Because Noddy couldn`t pay the ransom! 

Why?  Because he`s skint.  There`s big trouble in Toyland as Chorion the owner of Noddy and the Mr. Men drifts into administration due to poor performance and an inability to redefine itself.  Deputy chairman Viscount Astor resigned which will not bring a smile to David Cameron`s missus – he`s her step dad!

Maybe Tim Cook could help save Noddy and his friends from the scrap heap by investing some of his £235m share award from Apple now he`s taken over the chief exec`s job a – as long as they can wait until they vests in 2021.  Good to see that the money made from its customer`s obsession with iphone is being put to good use.  They are now almost on a par with Exxon as being one of the words largest companies (by value) don`t you know.  That said, if Apple shares perfom like they are forcast to do then it will be money well spent by the board as it will pay for itself and take it to a gold medal place in the business olympics.

This will not please BP who is seeing their production in the Gulf of Mexico plummet as they continue to wrangle with US regulators.  This could seriously affect investor confidence and once on that slippery slope it takes some recovering from.  Wonder if that slope was greased with some of the company`s unprocessed sludge salvaged from the back of a dead, sea bird or fish?  Can`t see too many decent folk crying about it, to my mind BP has been guilty of bullying its way into land mass for years and needs bringing back down to size…just like the Murdoch`s empire!  Karma??!!  I think so…

 I reckon Shell, Chevron and the companies who rent out rigs to BP will be dining out in style at the moment, unlike Billiton who own 44% of the Atlantis fields where BP are/were their biggest player.  Clearly the US government is still sore about the environmental disaster and revenge must be a meal they like to eat hot.  Confucius (or someone similar) once pronounced that “a man that goes out for revenge must first dig two graves”.  The US needs to watch its back as well as it`s seas, no doubt both organisations (after all they are both big businesses) are coursing the decisions taken by the penny pinching Tony Hayward – I wonder if he feels he`s got his life back yet?!

If his life revolves around shopping he might like to visit M&S to spend some of his dastardly lucre.  It might prove fortunate for them as they have postponed their quarterly results and will not report until November, which I`d reasonably assume means there`s not just trouble in Toyland, but also in middle England`s consumer belt.  Who knows? Well, I suppose we will in November.

If they do want to invest they should talk to Todd Kozel who`s looking to flog the controversial Iraqi oil exploration company, Gulf Keystone.  They are a snap at only £1.5bn if you know how to deal with high levels of hydrogen sulphide.  This Texan millionaire will walk away (John Wayne style no doubt) an extremely rich cowboy if someone a bit more technically minded takes the reins of his metaphorical lame horse called Shaikan reservoir.  For it is under this very water where the oil lays, tantalisingly close, if you`re company can rise to the challenge of safe extraction.  After all, you wouldn`t want to end up in the boots of another man, and end up like BP would you.

Vitol needs to keep a close eye on its friends in Libya.  For it is this oil giant that continues to fuel – quite literally – the engine`s of the rebels trying to oust Gadaffi, and it is doing so without a guarantee of payment.  It is pretty much surfing on a tide of good faith thanks to advise from trades in the city and Geneva.  They are gambling that once the nutter of North Africa has been disposed of, the new government will look favourably on its generosity & good will, and pay them back with large sums of money and lucrative contracts moving forward.

 “War!  What is it good for?  It`s good for business”…(to steal yet another line from the bard of Barking, Mr. Billy Bragg)

Another song that is not being sung too happily will be `Irene` (I remember Johnny Cash`s version best). “Irene goodnight Irene I `ll see you in my dreams”.   Nightmares more like.  Poor old Vermont she`s has had seven shades knocked out of her (by that bitch!) and now has to deal with the worst flooding in a century.  The loss of 21 lives is very sad as is the fact that this act of nature will add even more stress to the already struggling US economy.  They were looking for a wind of change, but not that one!

Talking about getting seven shades knocked out of you, try eight.  I bet our French mate Arsene Wenger is also wondering what hit him.  I can tell you – it`s a S..t storm mate!  Been with the Gunners since 1996 he has.  I better they are now gunner be looking for a replacement if the sun doesn`t begin to shine on the Emirates soonest – and now there`s a sad irony!

Not as Ironic (Moronic more likely) as the two sacked block heads from  G4 security who put a security tag on an old laggs false leg – you couldn`t script it could you?!  That`s a 1970`s Morecombe & Wise or Two Ronnie`s sketch if ever I saw one.

I`ll close by waving off the New Zealand Emperor penguin which was washed up on their shores in June with a load of sand in its tummy.  Experts reckon it mistook the sand for snow, which they eat to rehydrate.  Off back to Antarctica it goes leaving behind hoards of `sad to see you go` – Wellington based – well wishers, who nick named it Happy Feet.  A great feat indeed – by the vets who sdaved him and the little fella himself.  When he gets home, wouldn`t it be funny if  he were to proclaim, “I might not be wearing new clothes but – The Emperor strikes back”!

That`s me, I am off for a glass of Bank Holiday wine I am.

 TTFN Globalagogogo…









Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: